Yesterday I set up an alarm for 30 minutes later. It was evening and I felt like taking some rest.
Entered dream-like state where I was aware that dream isn't some random event. I was feeling energy flow through myself and was aware that it was kind of controled by me. Like another level of reality, it all happened in 'dream' level but was result of something which I wanted to experience before I entered this state. In this dream I felt like in meditation where I was going to another level. Almost felt like leaving physical point where I was, but the alarm woke me up. It's hard to describe this control and reality where I felt it was all happening as it is suppouse to happen. Like having different levels of control in vertical hierarchy.
Looking forward to experience it again.
Showing posts with label mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mind. Show all posts
2009-11-01
2009-03-22
20090321 entering a dream
She didn't read the message which was to be read today only. I just could not let her out of my mind. Not because of the message. Going out becomes a bit frustrating.
There are other things which could make me happy, like flying/levitation. Sometimes I dream about that. Here is brand new story from this collection.
During meditation I tend to relax, feel myself and become more aware of myself. I try to do similar stuff before falling asleep. Most of the time I don't remember my dreams. Most of my life I had problems with sleeping. That's why recently I don't just let it go, I try to make it better.
While I was lying on my back, I was observing darkness and piece in my room. Tried to relax, feel myself and energy flowing through my body. And I felt it. While enjoying it, I felt my body becomes lighter. Since I'm fan of flying, it fell on my mind to try to fly. So I tried.
Feeling of gravitation became less present, but I didn't put any attention to this thought. My upper body left the ground/bed. It was slow, full of joy and no confusion about this whatsoever. Then my lower body levitated as well. I went into a bit vertical position and pulled my legs to myself, since I still wasn't very high and didn't want to touch the bed. I could enjoy the levitation, move slowly through the room and observe everything around me as I wanted. Finally free.
I grabbed my mobile on the table. Opened camera and started recording. The picture was amazingly bright. It almost made me think it was a dream, because it was so unnusual. Instantly I threw away this thought. Since I didn't fall asleep, how could I be dreaming? I was levitating in the spot, moving and rotating my body.
After I recorded my room from higher altitude, I started to record myself as well. Suddenly mobile phone rang. I got SMS. Fuck! I was in lying in my bed! It was a dream after all.
What would happen without this SMS? Perhaps I wouldn't remember this sensation. Perhaps it would go into something more spectacular.
It was so amazing to notice that there was no moment of me realizing I was starting to dream. It was a constant flow of "my reality". Thank you!
There are other things which could make me happy, like flying/levitation. Sometimes I dream about that. Here is brand new story from this collection.
During meditation I tend to relax, feel myself and become more aware of myself. I try to do similar stuff before falling asleep. Most of the time I don't remember my dreams. Most of my life I had problems with sleeping. That's why recently I don't just let it go, I try to make it better.
While I was lying on my back, I was observing darkness and piece in my room. Tried to relax, feel myself and energy flowing through my body. And I felt it. While enjoying it, I felt my body becomes lighter. Since I'm fan of flying, it fell on my mind to try to fly. So I tried.
Feeling of gravitation became less present, but I didn't put any attention to this thought. My upper body left the ground/bed. It was slow, full of joy and no confusion about this whatsoever. Then my lower body levitated as well. I went into a bit vertical position and pulled my legs to myself, since I still wasn't very high and didn't want to touch the bed. I could enjoy the levitation, move slowly through the room and observe everything around me as I wanted. Finally free.
I grabbed my mobile on the table. Opened camera and started recording. The picture was amazingly bright. It almost made me think it was a dream, because it was so unnusual. Instantly I threw away this thought. Since I didn't fall asleep, how could I be dreaming? I was levitating in the spot, moving and rotating my body.
After I recorded my room from higher altitude, I started to record myself as well. Suddenly mobile phone rang. I got SMS. Fuck! I was in lying in my bed! It was a dream after all.
What would happen without this SMS? Perhaps I wouldn't remember this sensation. Perhaps it would go into something more spectacular.
It was so amazing to notice that there was no moment of me realizing I was starting to dream. It was a constant flow of "my reality". Thank you!
2009-02-21
flower that was never drawn
...on the painting which I gave it to her. If you don't understand this, you're not ment to understand :)
Am I so stupid? Why I feel so stressed while waiting 45 minutes in a stupid queue? Why does it hurt when I bleed? Or when I strech my body? Or when I'm late for the train? Or whatever?
Why do I feel cold while taking cold shower?
It is pain, but not the real pain. Real pain is feeling of being unable to help somebody you love. Or being surrounded by people and yet feel alone. Or being near her and still feel alone. Real cold is when I hug her and don't feel warm.
At least I can laugh. Only sometimes. When I see how stupid I'm when I feel cold but it's not real. And I feel pain, but it's not real.
I feel empty. There is pain and other feelings, but at this moment, I can only recognize feelings. When I look at my hands I can see how empty they are now. My hands are cold. They don't shine love and heat. There is no real energy, no power. It's not like before when you could feel me without me touching you. Now I need to touch you to feel me. And you don't feel the same either.
I wish for her to love me. And for me to love her. I am who I am and everybody else has freedom to love me (or hate me) as much as they want to. Freedom is fucked up sometimes. Anyway, I want her to be what she is, as well. Because I love her for what she is...
We dreamed about dying together. But since we aren't living together it makes no sense to die either.
Am I so stupid? Why I feel so stressed while waiting 45 minutes in a stupid queue? Why does it hurt when I bleed? Or when I strech my body? Or when I'm late for the train? Or whatever?
Why do I feel cold while taking cold shower?
It is pain, but not the real pain. Real pain is feeling of being unable to help somebody you love. Or being surrounded by people and yet feel alone. Or being near her and still feel alone. Real cold is when I hug her and don't feel warm.
At least I can laugh. Only sometimes. When I see how stupid I'm when I feel cold but it's not real. And I feel pain, but it's not real.
I feel empty. There is pain and other feelings, but at this moment, I can only recognize feelings. When I look at my hands I can see how empty they are now. My hands are cold. They don't shine love and heat. There is no real energy, no power. It's not like before when you could feel me without me touching you. Now I need to touch you to feel me. And you don't feel the same either.
I wish for her to love me. And for me to love her. I am who I am and everybody else has freedom to love me (or hate me) as much as they want to. Freedom is fucked up sometimes. Anyway, I want her to be what she is, as well. Because I love her for what she is...
We dreamed about dying together. But since we aren't living together it makes no sense to die either.
2008-12-26
one of those moments
Describing this could be compared to translating perfect expression in english to your mother's tongue, or even more difficult: from japanese/chinese to some indo-european language. It's just hard, but you should be able to understand 'cause of your experience. If you lack this experience, you should look forward to it!
This was one of the best moments in my life. Happened on Christmas. There I was in my room doing something. Suddenly it struck me like a lightning. It shaked my whole body & I entered 'nirvana'. Since I'm not still in this state but affected by it, I can't say it was real nirvana, but that's the closest thing which I 'know' about.
The time stopped. Or it flew away and it didn't matter. My whole mind was suddenly clear. All of my thoughts where silenced, my brain wasn't aware of what I see or hear. As my thougts started to flow away, my body&mind started to fill with happiness and love! It was growing outside of my physical body and started to touch my universe. There were no worries. My tasks dissapeared. My pain, everything that boddered me, little things (like chocolate) that could make me happy,... all of that lost their significance. Only thing which I felt was love & happiness filling me and all around me. So happy I was for this moment. It makes you feel good for being alive.
After few minutes I sat on my bad and enjoyed the benefits of this experience. I didn't care for anything else in the world. Except for love & her. In my room, there was a gift. A nice book wrapped in a nice paper. I even liked the paper 'cause she put it around the book. More beautiful part of the gift wasn't the book itself (although I liked it), but the note which was written inside of the paper. The note which put me in ecstasy. I could feel she understood the concept of love and I felt loved. The note says:
"* TO ME YOU ARE A WORK OF ART"
This was one of the best moments in my life. Happened on Christmas. There I was in my room doing something. Suddenly it struck me like a lightning. It shaked my whole body & I entered 'nirvana'. Since I'm not still in this state but affected by it, I can't say it was real nirvana, but that's the closest thing which I 'know' about.
The time stopped. Or it flew away and it didn't matter. My whole mind was suddenly clear. All of my thoughts where silenced, my brain wasn't aware of what I see or hear. As my thougts started to flow away, my body&mind started to fill with happiness and love! It was growing outside of my physical body and started to touch my universe. There were no worries. My tasks dissapeared. My pain, everything that boddered me, little things (like chocolate) that could make me happy,... all of that lost their significance. Only thing which I felt was love & happiness filling me and all around me. So happy I was for this moment. It makes you feel good for being alive.
After few minutes I sat on my bad and enjoyed the benefits of this experience. I didn't care for anything else in the world. Except for love & her. In my room, there was a gift. A nice book wrapped in a nice paper. I even liked the paper 'cause she put it around the book. More beautiful part of the gift wasn't the book itself (although I liked it), but the note which was written inside of the paper. The note which put me in ecstasy. I could feel she understood the concept of love and I felt loved. The note says:
"* TO ME YOU ARE A WORK OF ART"
2008-01-05
20071212 Jam in Serbia
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Still, there were some very good moments. On the first place friends whom I met before and made friends with some new people who seem really nice. And the other thing was visiting pub "Svrati bato" in the city of Donji Milanovac. There we drank nice vine and ate some fish through the whole afternoon. The city itself is full of mammuts. Suppose that there were some mammut's bones?
About fun...The solution is of course in me. I need to search in my mind those moments when I was able to be whatever I wanted. Sometimes it was during a really hard period but I managed to feel good & do crazy stuff. Need to concentrate more on myself
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